At this time of year, in the afterglow of the festive period and - who knows? - the aftermath of too many mince pies, too much TV and general excess, many of us like to take stock of our lives and make resolutions for the coming year. We might want to stop doing certain things - like smoking, eating or drinking too much or even working too hard - or we might want to take up a new hobby or learn a new skill - for instance, the piano or a foreign language. Our resolutions might even mean changing behaviour or attitudes: resolving to get on better with a difficult colleague or to be less critical of people in general.
All of this indicates that, in some way, we are not completely satisfied with our life: at the very least, we can see that there is room for improving it still further. Dissatisfaction, according to Buddhism, is a fundamental aspect of human life; it can take many forms, ranging from the pain of toothache, through nameless feelings of fear and anxiety, all the way down to a feeling that something just isn't right: an indefinable sense of lack. It is experiences of unsatisfactoriness like this that drive us to change our conditions: if I could get a new job, a computer upgrade, go on the ideal holiday or start a new relationship, then I would be completely and permanently happy. We may not rationally think like that, but this is at some deep emotional level what we believe, and this emotional belief is what drives the advertising industry - and even consumerism itself! But experience always in the end shows us that the happiness we get from things "out there" in the world, far from being perfect and lasting, is limited and only lasts for a while: things break, the first thrill of a new relationship fades, the dream job turns out in the end not to be the answer to all our prayers.
I'm not trying to say that making resolutions to change our conditions is a waste of time. Far from it. In many situations it can be a definite change for the better to leave an unsatisfying job - although, in these uncertain times, this might be a risky move - or to acquire a new skill. But the point I want to make is that, according to Buddhism, the conditions which make us happy or unhappy are as much internal as external - in fact, even more so!
The Buddha's teachings say that what causes us to suffer are our own inner attitudes: our tendency to seek happiness in external conditions that can't ultimately provide it and to push away anything in our experience - very often other people - that appears to be getting in the way of our pursuit of happiness. Buddhism tells us that, if we really want to stop suffering, we have to stop doing this. It also suggests ways in which we can do so. For example, instead of always trying to find happiness in buying things and seeking out endless variety to stave off boredom, we can choose to be generous, as giving has the effect of opening us up to others. Or we can try to develop contentment: the ability to be happy with our lot, to be fully engaged in life as it presents itself from moment to moment. Developing an appreciation of nature can open us up to a greater experience of beauty and fulfilment. On the other hand, instead of reacting with anger and ill-will to difficult situations and people, we can try to cultivate good will and empathy; one way of doing this is to realise that the difficulty we have with someone is only a small part of a very broad picture and that the person we find so difficult has a life that in all the most important ways is very much like our own - they also want to be happy and have joys, hopes and fears, just as we do. This ability to identify imaginatively with the lives of others is the cornerstone of empathy - and empathy opens the door to understanding, love and compassion.
None of this is easy. Changing the habitual patterns of the mind is a difficult and slow process. Resolutions often break down because we expect too much of ourselves. But you can look for success in the form of small breakthroughs: instead of cold-shouldering the difficult person, you can try out a smile; instead of indulging in retail therapy when you feel down, you might once in a while consider spending time in nature or just hanging out with a friend. Instead of automatically switching on the radio when you get up in the morning, it might be worth just walking out into the garden for a few minutes. Who knows? - you might even hear the birdsong.
All of this indicates that, in some way, we are not completely satisfied with our life: at the very least, we can see that there is room for improving it still further. Dissatisfaction, according to Buddhism, is a fundamental aspect of human life; it can take many forms, ranging from the pain of toothache, through nameless feelings of fear and anxiety, all the way down to a feeling that something just isn't right: an indefinable sense of lack. It is experiences of unsatisfactoriness like this that drive us to change our conditions: if I could get a new job, a computer upgrade, go on the ideal holiday or start a new relationship, then I would be completely and permanently happy. We may not rationally think like that, but this is at some deep emotional level what we believe, and this emotional belief is what drives the advertising industry - and even consumerism itself! But experience always in the end shows us that the happiness we get from things "out there" in the world, far from being perfect and lasting, is limited and only lasts for a while: things break, the first thrill of a new relationship fades, the dream job turns out in the end not to be the answer to all our prayers.
I'm not trying to say that making resolutions to change our conditions is a waste of time. Far from it. In many situations it can be a definite change for the better to leave an unsatisfying job - although, in these uncertain times, this might be a risky move - or to acquire a new skill. But the point I want to make is that, according to Buddhism, the conditions which make us happy or unhappy are as much internal as external - in fact, even more so!
The Buddha's teachings say that what causes us to suffer are our own inner attitudes: our tendency to seek happiness in external conditions that can't ultimately provide it and to push away anything in our experience - very often other people - that appears to be getting in the way of our pursuit of happiness. Buddhism tells us that, if we really want to stop suffering, we have to stop doing this. It also suggests ways in which we can do so. For example, instead of always trying to find happiness in buying things and seeking out endless variety to stave off boredom, we can choose to be generous, as giving has the effect of opening us up to others. Or we can try to develop contentment: the ability to be happy with our lot, to be fully engaged in life as it presents itself from moment to moment. Developing an appreciation of nature can open us up to a greater experience of beauty and fulfilment. On the other hand, instead of reacting with anger and ill-will to difficult situations and people, we can try to cultivate good will and empathy; one way of doing this is to realise that the difficulty we have with someone is only a small part of a very broad picture and that the person we find so difficult has a life that in all the most important ways is very much like our own - they also want to be happy and have joys, hopes and fears, just as we do. This ability to identify imaginatively with the lives of others is the cornerstone of empathy - and empathy opens the door to understanding, love and compassion.
None of this is easy. Changing the habitual patterns of the mind is a difficult and slow process. Resolutions often break down because we expect too much of ourselves. But you can look for success in the form of small breakthroughs: instead of cold-shouldering the difficult person, you can try out a smile; instead of indulging in retail therapy when you feel down, you might once in a while consider spending time in nature or just hanging out with a friend. Instead of automatically switching on the radio when you get up in the morning, it might be worth just walking out into the garden for a few minutes. Who knows? - you might even hear the birdsong.