posted 5 Nov 2014, 17:56 by Akasharaja Bruton [ updated 12 hours ago ]
If you were listening to this show about 18 months ago you may have heard me announce that my family and I were heading off to Germany to start a new chapter in our lives.
So what, you might well ask, am I doing back here on BBC Radio Shropshire? Well, there's a long and a short version of the story. The long one I don't have time for, so I'll give you the short one: it was hard going and, in the end, it didn't work out, so we decided after six months to put everything into reverse, cut our losses and head back to Shrewsbury where, fortunately, we still had a house. The whole adventure was pretty expensive, set back our elder son's schooling by half a year and was, in a positive way, a bit humiliating. Let me explain.
In a way, the humiliation bit is pretty obvious. We made a major decision, it turned out to be the wrong one, and we had to give in and come back. But the positive angle is that, through this experience, I got to know myself a lot better, and that's always a good thing. Part of what had motivated me to return to Berlin was, as it turned out, a desire to recapture the brilliant experience I had there a few years earlier, the first time my partner and I had lived there. So, whenever I felt bored or dissatisfied after we returned to England - which was often - I always recalled the good old days - and longed for them to return.
But the second time round we went with two kids. And, surprise surprise, it wasn't the same. We had moved away from the support of close family into a situation that wasn't actually that supportive. As anyone who has kids will know, no matter how much you love and enjoy them, bringing them up in the day to day is hard work wherever you live - and restricts your freedom to do whatever you please. In other words, enjoying the cultural life of the city and swanning around in cafes was no longer the order of the day. To put it in a nutshell, the grass wasn't actually greener on the other side! I was forced to acknowledge that I had been responding to an experience of dissatisfaction in my life in England with a yearning to seek escape from it by changing the externals - in this case, my location. Humiliating but insightful!
Perhaps you've had this kind of experience. If only I had another job, a better house or a different car, I would be happy. And yet, Buddhism teaches that the true source of dissatisfaction lies in the mind. As the first verse of the Dhammapada, an early Buddhist scripture has it, experience is made of mind, led by mind, preceded by mind. If our mind is impure, suffering will follow as the wheel of the cart follows the hoof of the ox - a potent image of bondage! And the reverse is true: happiness follows the pure mind like a shadow that never leaves, with all the lightness the image implies. An impure mind is a mind caught up in craving, hatred and confusion, whereas a pure mind is characterized by clarity, positivity and contentment. A pure mind will find happiness, enjoyment and fulfillment in mindfulness of the here and now, will know contentment in the everyday beauty of ordinary life. Of course there are sometimes situations that objectively bring pain and difficulty - and we should try to change them if we can. But, if you are just bored and restless, it's really worth stopping, looking honestly at what your mind is doing and attending more closely to the beauty that everyday life offers, in time spent with a friend, in nature, or even just sitting quietly. In the park with my sons a few days ago in one of those slightly restless and dissatisfied moods, I suddenly found myself watching the leaves fall and realized that what I had just there was perfect in itself. Life in the awareness of the moment offers astonishing riches. Try it - you might be surprised by what you find!
(Edit post)
If you were listening to this show about 18 months ago you may have heard me announce that my family and I were heading off to Germany to start a new chapter in our lives.
So what, you might well ask, am I doing back here on BBC Radio Shropshire? Well, there's a long and a short version of the story. The long one I don't have time for, so I'll give you the short one: it was hard going and, in the end, it didn't work out, so we decided after six months to put everything into reverse, cut our losses and head back to Shrewsbury where, fortunately, we still had a house. The whole adventure was pretty expensive, set back our elder son's schooling by half a year and was, in a positive way, a bit humiliating. Let me explain.
In a way, the humiliation bit is pretty obvious. We made a major decision, it turned out to be the wrong one, and we had to give in and come back. But the positive angle is that, through this experience, I got to know myself a lot better, and that's always a good thing. Part of what had motivated me to return to Berlin was, as it turned out, a desire to recapture the brilliant experience I had there a few years earlier, the first time my partner and I had lived there. So, whenever I felt bored or dissatisfied after we returned to England - which was often - I always recalled the good old days - and longed for them to return.
But the second time round we went with two kids. And, surprise surprise, it wasn't the same. We had moved away from the support of close family into a situation that wasn't actually that supportive. As anyone who has kids will know, no matter how much you love and enjoy them, bringing them up in the day to day is hard work wherever you live - and restricts your freedom to do whatever you please. In other words, enjoying the cultural life of the city and swanning around in cafes was no longer the order of the day. To put it in a nutshell, the grass wasn't actually greener on the other side! I was forced to acknowledge that I had been responding to an experience of dissatisfaction in my life in England with a yearning to seek escape from it by changing the externals - in this case, my location. Humiliating but insightful!
Perhaps you've had this kind of experience. If only I had another job, a better house or a different car, I would be happy. And yet, Buddhism teaches that the true source of dissatisfaction lies in the mind. As the first verse of the Dhammapada, an early Buddhist scripture has it, experience is made of mind, led by mind, preceded by mind. If our mind is impure, suffering will follow as the wheel of the cart follows the hoof of the ox - a potent image of bondage! And the reverse is true: happiness follows the pure mind like a shadow that never leaves, with all the lightness the image implies. An impure mind is a mind caught up in craving, hatred and confusion, whereas a pure mind is characterized by clarity, positivity and contentment. A pure mind will find happiness, enjoyment and fulfillment in mindfulness of the here and now, will know contentment in the everyday beauty of ordinary life. Of course there are sometimes situations that objectively bring pain and difficulty - and we should try to change them if we can. But, if you are just bored and restless, it's really worth stopping, looking honestly at what your mind is doing and attending more closely to the beauty that everyday life offers, in time spent with a friend, in nature, or even just sitting quietly. In the park with my sons a few days ago in one of those slightly restless and dissatisfied moods, I suddenly found myself watching the leaves fall and realized that what I had just there was perfect in itself. Life in the awareness of the moment offers astonishing riches. Try it - you might be surprised by what you find!
(Edit post)