posted 23 Oct 2015, 19:23 by Akasharaja Bruton
A couple of Saturdays ago I spent about an hour out and about on the streets of Shrewsbury talking to people in the streets with a reporter from BBC Radio Shropshire. The simple but profound question he was asking was this: what makes you happy? The topic had come up in the light of the announcement that day that the Dalai Lama had endorsed a series of happiness classes to be held the length and breadth of the country. But what exactly is happiness, and how do we achieve it?
So off we went, and I was wondering what sort of answers people would come up with. Might we hear about material security and money, work and holidays? But in the event nearly everyone talked about other people – about being with friends and loved ones, enjoying companionship and having fun. This was positive enough in itself, but at least one person we talked to spoke explicitly about happiness coming from doing things for others. Being in a relationship with others based not on what you get from them, but what you can give. As a practicing Buddhist, I found this answer particularly heartwarming: after all, generosity is sometimes described as the primary Buddhist virtue. As my teacher says, you might not be very good at meditating or very mindful, but you can always give.
So what’s the connection between giving and happiness? Well, it’s just that – connection! Human beings are social animals and, as we found out in when we started asking around, like connecting with others. But what can happen when we’re unhappy and things go wrong is that we withdraw from others – both physically and emotionally – and get too wrapped up in what’s going on to remember to relate to others – except, perhaps, as the cause of our problems. This is really odd if you think about it, because it’s the one thing that’s guaranteed to make us feel more isolated, more self-referential and less connected with others. Isolation of this kind denies our fellow feeling, our sense of empathy with others. Our sense of self contracts, and we feel tense, tight and unhappy.
But when you give, the opposite happens. Giving arises out of a recognition that other people have needs and feelings just like us; and actually doing something about it – not just having warm thoughts – leads to a feeling of connection, of expansiveness, of lightness. In other words, happiness! As one of the ancient scriptures has it: “Before giving, glad; while giving, the mind is bright & clear; having given, one is gratified.” Even if you don’t feel great, you can still give – in fact, giving is one of the things you can do that is guaranteed to help lift you out of gloomy self-preoccupation.
Giving can take many forms: you can of course give money and things to good causes, but you can also give your time, your energy, your enthusiasm and even your encouragement. For me those things are directed at sharing the Buddha’s teachings, because I believe that’s the best possible use of the resources I have to offer. But giving can relate to all sorts of things, as long as you consider them worthwhile and beneficial to human happiness.
I’m sure I’m not saying anything that you don’t already know. After all, most people give readily in all sorts of situations. But I would encourage you to do what you might not necessarily think of at the time – and goodness knows I forget often enough myself – and give even when you’re feeling down and out of connection. Personal experience tells me that way happiness lies. But why not find out for yourself?